‘My life and the lives of my family have been changed forever’

08 April, 2022 | By Ingrid Fuchs

I had my first cycle of chemotherapy today and was treated by a very caring, gentle and excellent Australian male nurse. Two ex-colleagues came in to chat with me, which really meant a lot. I had been chosen for scalp cooling, which helps to reduce the chance of hair loss. Some people complain that it feels like a fridge on your head but I could tolerate it well. It was a long morning and I was glad to finish the first treatment and go home.

In the past you always had the option to bring somebody along with you to treatment, however, pandemic restrictions meant treatment must be completed solo.

I felt fine the morning after my chemotherapy, my stomach was a bit sensitive but I didn’t feel sick. For dinner I had a lovely Asian noodle dish, with lots of ginger and coriander and the morning after, yoghurt with fruits and nuts. Both were perfectly tolerated by my stomach.

I went to the gym on two consecutive days, mainly running and walking on the treadmill, I felt exhausted both evenings. But exercise allowed me to focus on something else and made me feel better. In the following days, I felt constantly slightly nauseated. I was not keen on lemon and ginger tea anymore, and switched to peppermint tea.

My colleague and radiologist who did the biopsy of my lymph nodes rang me on Thursday to say that one lymph node came back with cancer cells. I now have metastatic carcinoma of the breast. Strangely enough, I was not surprised, I had suspected it. Especially if you read in the literature that half of the triple-negative breast cancers have lymph nodes involved, even with a tumour less than 1cm – mine is 2cm.

When I think about the fact that I never have been ill in my life, it’s really strange that I now have a very serious illness.

Today we went shopping as a family and I bought a pair of trousers but I had to push this dark thought away, wondering if it still would be worth while to buy new trousers.

I had my portacath inserted. This is a small reservoir under my skin which connects to a large vein close to my heart, used in chemotherapy. The procedure was not really painful. The radiologist focused on the procedure and a lovely nurse distracted me completely by talking to me. The whole team was really nice and supportive.

The rest of the day I spent waiting to have my bloods repeatedly taken to check if my kidneys were working well enough to have part of the chemotherapy drugs. I was worried that it would be a long day of hanging around and that I would be exhausted at the end of the day. But the day did go quickly, I walked around in the area and listened to podcasts of other women who also battled with triple-negative breast cancer.

In general, I still feel positive but there are some moments where I all of a sudden feel sad. Today, it was triggered when I was walking through the hospital corridors and I saw a coffin. Just wondering when it would be my turn. I suppose other people in the same situation probably have similar thoughts, but of course you cannot talk to somebody else about it because you would upset people.

My life and the lives of my family have been changed forever, I think we never will be able to live completely care-free anymore.

This blog was originally published in the Nursing Times. Many thanks to them for sharing Ingrid's story.